****TARD!

I live with fucktards! My roommates are so aloof. One of them asked what I was going to do this weekend and I told them I’d probably go see Precious with a friend Saturday and they’re like what’s that? Like… Seriously? I’ll give the movie thing a slide, but because there is no cable or internet they don’t know anything. Like the weather… They’ll have the heat on when it is 70 degrees outside, WTF? I don’t like them. I don’t like my living situation. I just tolerate it … For now. A couple of minutes ago the Sears man came to fix the hot water heater, I’m the only person here to I had to let him in. Since my room is upstairs I usually only go downstairs when I’m leaving, but given that all the equipment the man needed access to was downstairs I had to show him around. It is an absolute mess! I refuse to clean up after anyone, except me! I was embarrassed because that makes me look dirty/lazy. Ugh! Trifling ass niggas! This is WAR!

Music: Noisettes — “Saturday Night Paranoia” ft. Christian Rich

Got Hot Water?

Ever been without hot water? I mean… Yeah, hasn’t for a couple of hours or a day. How about a month? Yeah, unacceptable! For the first couple weeks I would go to friends’ houses just to shower, which is whack. Then I went to my sister’s (who lives in another state) for almost a week. Came back expecting to have hot water because I was sure my landlord wanted rent… No such luck. So here’s the routine… Wake up check to see if there is hot water… Of course, not. Next, clean the bucket thoroughly, while boiling hot water (sometimes I forget I’m boiling and almost burn the house down).  Carry bucket downstairs and fill it with hot water, then carry it back up the stairs being careful not to spill it. Now, proceed to “shower” out of a bucket. Get the fuck outta here! Can you believe that bull?

Lately, I wake up, do the aforementioned and leave the house. I come back around 10PM to sit in my room and either write, play a game, listen to music (I can do all three at the same time), or watch a movie. I say my prayers, go to bed, wake up and do it again. I’ve been trying to find a job not only for money, but for human interaction, and to have something rewarding to do every day.  I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I desperately applied to three McDonald’s like two weeks ago and I didn’t even get one stinking call back! I keep submitting my applications (“‘cause ain’t no tuition for having no ambition and ain’t no loans for sitting your ass at home”) waiting to at least be acknowledged, but nothing…Ouch! So I pretty much do the same thing every day. Well, I’m sometimes spontaneous like I the other night I went to Ft. Totten and rode the redline down to Woodley Park, about half of the ride was above ground and it was really cool because it was dark and the lights from various objects came together to paint a picture of a lovely, non-existent during the day…and night. Nevertheless, my perspective from the train perceived beauty! The Woodley Park area was interesting as well, when I got off the metro I encountered a violinists, after that I came across a saxophonist (is that the correct term, sounds weird). It was cool because if you go during the day nothing is moving and no one is out, but when the street lights come on it gets poppin’. Yup, small things annoy and entertain me. I’m a pretty simple girl, just trying to find a JOB and my place in this crazy world.

I sit here, writing this while boiling water for my shower. What will I do today? I’ll let you know!

Music: Brittany Street — “Nothing Much”

Here I Stand

Yeah, the night was a blur… There I stood in the dark, it was cold and raining. My eyes were filled with tears,  my mind was blank and my mouth couldn’t form words. So there I stood, silent. Heart pounding, out of breath and overwhelmed with emotions. Until I finally found my voice and yelled, “look into my eyes, hold my hand, walk with me… EXPERIENCE ME“  THE END.

Music: The Noisettes ”Amazing Heartbeat (The Cataracts Remix)”

Mateo — Get To Know Me

more about “| Blind I | The Boutique Music Blog |…“, posted with vodpod

 

Small Things…

Unfortunately, I allow small things to bother me too often. Small things like this wire in my bra poking the ish outta me… LOL– Nah, I’m sure that would bother anybody. Nevertheless, I do let stupid things get to me. For instance, I was feeling this person, lets call them Joe (Haha– IDK where that came from). So Joe and I text and I just don’t like the “hood” short hand (e.g. dis, dat, etc). And then I noticed Joe CAN’T SPELL! No ma’am! I’m not sure if I can handle that because misspelled words really hurt my feelings! I mean… Yes, everybody makes mistakes when texting because it’s not that serious, but I’d rather not have you making spelling mistakes on something you had time to proofread.  Your “about me” should have spelling mistakes, and you shouldn’t misspell words on my wall — Now the world knows you can’t spell!! Oh and Joe’s grammar… C’mon man… You’re in college and I know you read a lot (I’ve seen the bookshelf), but why read if you don’t learn from anything? Bad grammar= bad convo, right? I’m not saying that I am perfect at all. I’m just saying… it bothers me.

Am I wrong for that?

 

Write Love on My Arms

I don’t wear my insecurities on my sleeves

I wear sleeves because of my insecurities

I always try to write my wrongs

And sometimes songs

So I keep my laptop in my backpack

Which stays on my back

Because the world is too damn heavy to carry on my shoulders

That’s why my parents didn’t name me Atlas*

So I carry** the world

Bracing it with a cold shoulder

I walk these streets so aloof

Yet concerned and aware of my surroundings

Yes, I’m a walking paradox

And I’ve noticed  liquor stores line black blocks

While white blocks  have tree lined streets and bars on their doors

Not a lot of black families and afford these luxuries

Because “pops” is in a cell with bars on the door

At I wear my shades sometimes when there’s no sunshine

In an attempt to mask my facial expressions

People say I wear my shades because I think they make me look like a rock star

Which means when I wear my shades people think I look like a rock star

But  for me success is an obligation fame is a sidebar

‘Ye told’em fame kills

Realizing death is the only reason for not succeeding

It must be why people settle for fame

I’m writing this just to write

I really don’t know my aim

So… TBC

 

*Greek Mythology

**DC slang for diss.

Whatever

Remember Song of the Day? Well, it’s baaacck! I cannot listen to the this song without laughing, but it is exactly how I feel. Anybody can write a song it takes a real artist to take the words out of your mouth… No matter how funny is sounds! Teehee! Enjoy.

“Whatever”–Gnarls Barkley

[Cee-Lo]
I don’t have any friends at all
‘Cause I have nothin in common with y’all
So who’s gonna catch me if I fall?
My back’s always against the wall
I don’t have anything to say
I want everything to go my way
Shut up mom! It is not okay
I’m alone almost every day

[Chorus]
But it’s cool (it’s cool)
It could be better (could be better)
I don’t care… (I don’t care)
Whatever (whatever) Hold up my man
La la la la lah-lah-lah, whatever [3X]
La la la la lah-lah-lah

[Cee-Lo]
Talk to my counselor ’bout how I feel
Everyone agrees I could use some help
I love my girl more than I love myself
But she’s goin’ steady with someone else
I don’t know what else to do
Said fuck me? Well fuck you too!
I know it sounds real sad but true
Bein’ alone is nothin’ new

[Chorus]
But it’s cool (it’s cool)
It could be better (could be better)
I don’t care… (I don’t care)
Whatever (whatever) Whatever bitch!
La la la la lah-lah-lah, whatever [3X]
La la la la lah-lah-lah

Nothing

I have a million thoughts in my head and they’re trying to come out at once therefore you get…NOTHING.

I am NOT Mean!!!

So… I don’t really like my roommates… Maybe because I don’t know them and have know desire to get to know them because from what I’ve experienced they’re weird and incredibly WHACK! We don’t really have much in common. Even though they are not at the house most of the time they irritate the shit out of me so I try to get out as much as possible. They think taking cold showers is acceptable and it’s ABSOLUTELY NOT! They don’t clean up after themselves very often. UGH!  And they’re cheap! I’ll buy a roll of  paper towels, they’ll steal a roll of the brown hard paper towels from school same with tissue, I bought a 20 pack of toilet tissue, because these fools had the damn huge ass roll of tissue, you like they use in public restrooms, because they stole it from school. GET EFF OUTTA HERE? ARE SERIOUS??? I’ve just been selfish I keep my stuff in MY room. I now clean up after myself only. I’m going home this weekend and I might come back with a mini fridge. LOL I just don’t understand if I cook why are you in the kitchen? I didn’t send you a text and said “hey I’m cooking tonight I’ll save you a bite ” I don’t come down to eat when you guys cook. That blows me, it’s not even like I eat leftovers like that, but I paid for this shit, Smokie voice: “you didn’t put in on this man!” Speaking of cooking, I was going to cook a little spaghetti the other night…  Why these niggas use my noodles? LOL- Spaghetti noodles are cheap and these guys walk past like five stores on the way home from school. Why use mine? Why use mine without asking? BLOWS ME! Friday when I got home we actually had hot water and my roommates were having a “party” (if you wanna call it that) so one of them decided to clean up and asked me to wash the dishes. Being the nice person I am, I washed the dishes. So after I’m done the roomie realized we had hot water and was like don’t wash the dishes with in hot water anymore… I just looked at the chick.  I thought the dishes were sitting in the sink all week because there was no hot water to was them in… Who washes dishes with cold water, that’s nasty. Kill yourself.

LOL — I AM NOT MEAN! But I’m thinking about making brownies with ex-lax, placing them on the table, taking all of my tissue out of the bathroom before I go home this weekend. TRICK-OR-TREAT, BITCHES! LMAO! Have fun eating MY stuff and not having anything to wipe your ass with. Just take a cold shower! Tehehe…

Last Night

Soooo… Last night was intense. You know how you send a text and just want to take it back immediately? (There should be an app for that!) Yeah… That’s what I did and apparently it was the last straw because I received a response I didn’t want and I broke down — Whew! It’s hard just writing about it —  Okay, I bursted into tears when I received this text, but after a while I got out of bed because I wanted to do something, I had to do something. I grabbed my hoodie, metro  and debit card, an umbrella and my phone and took off.  Walking to the metro after dark, in the rain was like a scene from a movie I could here the music playing and everything (prolly ’cause I had on headphones) When I got to the metro station a lady gave me her day pass I guess I looked that bad, IDK? So that was cool, I didn’t have to pay to take the train. While, on the train I kept my head down and held the tears back… I tried to look normal, but I still felt like I looked crazy. I wanted to turn around and go back to my house while waiting for the second train but I decided I had to press on. Upon, arriving at my destination I became nervous I wanted to leave but I had no money for a cab so I waited, hoping that the person I was waiting for would come out quickly. They didn’t. I tried to endure the cold and the rain and the awkward stares from other people. Some dude even came up and talked to me being dumb ass and I tolerated it and continued to until I finally came to the conclusion that 1) the person I was waiting for would come out see me standing there and think I was on some crazy stalker type shit.. (I just wanted to talk and I wasn’t really thinking about not having a way home when I left my house). 2) Someone was going to call the police on me because I know I looked suspect and I didn’t have any form of ID on me so that would suck 3) the person I was waiting was not going to come out and I was just going to be stuck like Chuck until 5am — So I sent them  a text and they let me in and gave me a ride me a ride home. I took a risk and I don’t regret it. I made the decision to talk someone face to face and I got what I wanted. I got the truth, though the words and my feelings didn’t flow from my mouth like I’d planned I (think) explained what the deal was and I completely understand that person’s sentiments now. I slept well last night. This morning I woke up and my heart felt a little weird I checked my phone to see if what really went down was all a dream. It wasn’t. I’m going to do what I said I was going to do. I’m going to suck it up and stop complaining. I’m going to change. I’m going to become more decisive. I’m going  to try to make more friends. I’m going to love me. I’m going to love and live my best life. I’m going to take more risk. I’m going to blossom.

“There came a time when the risk

to remain tight in the bud was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.”